HEY BRAIN

yaaaaarrrr!

u-haul trucks kill…

have you ever rented one of these things??  then you know… u-haul trucks are rattletrap peices of junk.  i’ve often joked with friends that it’s better to get a bunch of drunk bubbas to move your stuff in their pickups than to trust some of those trucks. 

sadly it seems i was right.  demetrio t. nagtalon was killed as a result of u-haul’s shitty equipment. 

the l.a. times article says, “Former employees said it’s not unusual for untrained or inexperienced U-Haul workers to attempt on-the-fly repairs to keep equipment on the road.”  as a former employee, i can say with certainty that the l.a. times article is 100% correct. 

as many of you may already know, i worked for u-haul for a while right out of college.  i know what “maintainence” is done to these vehicles… and i know who did it.  namely, people like me.  not trained mechanics.  and that’s what the company expected… we were expected to do all repairs barring major engine repairs. 

actually, if you DID know that i worked at u-haul, you’ll also remember that i was RUN OVER by one of our shitty trucks while attempting to affect ”on-the-fly repairs” as was expected of me.  the transmission linkage had just fallen out of the transmission in between gears… that’s how shitty this thing was.  that was my first (and, God willing, only) experience with workman’s comp.  it was not fun, and i will be feeling that truck on me for the rest of my life, but i count myself insanely lucky… the other two incidents listed in the l.a. times article were much worse than what i experienced.

while i’m at it, lemme just share with you the corporate customer service philosophy as it was communicated to me when i started work there.  it pretty much goes like this, “we’re cheap and we’re everywhere.  the customer pretty much HAS to come to us if they want to move themselves.  so, if they’re being dicks (which they prolly will be… because, let’s face it, nobody likes moving) refuse them.  customer service is for companies that can’t afford to lose customers.  we can.  let ‘em walk out if they want… most of them will be back anyway.  also: more trucks equals more money.  keep ‘em on the road at all costs.  we can afford to lose customers, we can’t afford to lose trucks.” 

i want to encourage you though, don’t take it out on the employees.  they are, usually, pretty good folks.  it’s the company that’s crooked to the core.  contrast what the employee whom mr. nagtalon died trying to save said – “he was a hero. he got hurt trying to save me” - with the company’s statement – “The cause of this accident was Mr. Nagtalon’s actions, which placed his safety at risk in a situation where his assistance was not required.”  the people in the offices are the heartless ones and their lawyers are amazingly good at what they do (lots of practice).  but the people on the front lines are doing what they can and what they’ve been told to do.  they take abuse from the customers non-stop too.  i could tell you some of the horror stories but i’ll save that for a later date.  be kind to customer service types… but rip the corporate scum-bags that let this stuff happen a new one.

that is all for now.

do you know what today is, kids??

it’s FIRST HOODIE DAY!  that’s right, today as mr. megaphonic was leaving his home to go to work, it was a mere 57 degrees outside!  so mr. megaphonic dug deep into his closet and pulled out a hoodie to wear!  that makes today FIRST HOODIE DAY! 

what, you’ve never heard of this holiday?  it’s my favorite.  it’s the first day after the dog days of summer that i can wear a hoodie without dying of heatstroke.  usually, this day sees me sweating anyway because, once i don a hoodie, i don’t like to take it off.  but not today!  today it’s cool enough that i’m STILL wearing my hoodie and not sweating to death. 

see, i love my hoodies.  they are my single most favorite article of clothing ever invented.  better hope that you never get stranded with me on a deserted island where you could only take one article of clothing… because i won’t be choosing pants.  and really… nobody wants to see that all the time.  i just love hoodies.  is that weird?  probably.  do i care?  not really.  hoodies are great.  and today was first hoodie day. 

enjoy it, folks.  it’s gonna get hot again before it gets to be consistent hoodie weather.

from: introspection

to: extroversion

how are you doing, love?  it’s been a long time, so i thought i’d write and see how you are and fill you in on happenings here in this little home town.  by the way, congratulations, i’m so excited for you!  you’ll have to fill me in about your new job! 

things around here are pretty laid back in that “small town drama” way.  but you know how that is, that’s part of why you moved away, right?  the same people are still running around doing the same things… they’ve just changed their methods as they’ve grown up. 

well, here’s a good example… you know guilt.  you remember him from highschool, right?  he seemed harmless enough back then, i know… especially when you stood him next to the rest of the crowd he ran with.  you know, that fear boy and those two girls, despair and doubt.  you remember that little clique right?  guilt seemed like the best of the lot back then, didn’t he?  almost helpful in some ways.  i know he had a thing for you, love, though you may not have realized it at the time.  he seemed like a sweet enough kid… always concerned about what was going on in your life, you know?

anyway, that was all before he really grew up and came into his own.  you should see him now.  remember how scrawny he was?  well, he’s on a steady diet of adult-sized issues now and he’s a big ol’ fella… late bloomer type, you know?  turned out pretty good lookin’ too… clean cut and respectable and all that.  oh, and he’s smart… really smart.  you might not have noticed back in high school, but guilt got really high marks… he was a really smart kid.  and he’s putting it to use these days.  he’s head of the town historical society and the says that he’s “dedicated to making sure this town remembers it’s past whether it wants to or not.”

he’s still running with that whole crew though, and they’ve all grown up.  fear is still the fast-talking, frantic, loudmouth he always was, but he’s got some new toys to play with like “career” and “love” and “future.”  doubt is as quiet as ever… she’s always whispering, not yelling like her boyfriend fear does – oh yeah, those two are always together these days.  but don’t let her fool you… she’s the dangerous one in that couple.  walk softly and carry a big stick and all that.  despair has blossomed into a tall, willowy woman… dark hair, dark eyes, dusky skin… she’s something to look at, actually.   and she speaks with an air of authority that she never had in highschool when she ran the dating advice column in the school paper.  she’s… compelling… hard to argue with… hard to resist.  you know she and guilt are together fairly often… but he won’t ever tie himself down to one girl… not that one… he’s too… too big?  no… too deep… too much for one person… i’m not sure how to describe the guy…

have you talked with him lately?  i know he’s out your way from time to time… one town isn’t enough for that guy.  if you have then you know what i’m talking about.  when he talks to you it’s like he knows more about you than he could possibly know… like he was studying you your whole life.  and when he looks at you with those deep brown eyes, you always get the feeling that he’s dissappointed with you… sometimes over things that happened so long ago you can barely remember anything more about them than that they happened.  oh and he’s a good conversationalist… he’ll draw you out until you’ve spilled about something that you may not be proud of and then there it is again… that look of dissappointment and sadness… like you’ve betrayed him or let him down somehow.  and for some reason, that look really hurts!  that look makes you want to do something, anything, to make it better… but you can’t… and you know you can’t change anything about it because it’s in the past and nothing can change the past…

and that’s when the rest of his crew shows up.  doubt sits down next to you and talks to you in her soft voice about how you are living your life now… fear sits down across the table orders a beer and startes yammering on about your future.  and despair… well, she slips in next to you, kisses you on the cheek and draws you into a big, deep hug that somehow manages to be far from comforting.  and all the while, guilt looks at you with those deep, dissappointed, brown eyes and slowly shakes his head…

now, me… i’ve stopped hanging out with him.  i mean, it’s a small town. so i see him on occaision, but i’ve started hanging with a new crew… me and acceptance, hope, determination, humility and that whole group are doing life together and… well, guilt doesn’t really like them very much (never did, even back in high school, remember?) so we don’t see each other very often and when we do, they are short encounters.

these guys have grown up too, by the way.  acceptance was always a friendly and loving person, but you know she went to college abroad right? well, she’s met this fella while she was out in the world… name’s perspective… and he’s been really good for her.  they’re the perfect pair.  same goes for hope, actually… he met a girl named faith and together they’re making big waves in the community.  it’s like there’s nothing that can stand in their way once the two of them put their minds to a problem.  determination is still single, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.  he heads up the planning committee for the “my life” project.  once the board decides on a direction, he’s the one who makes it happen.  he’s a regular mcguyver too, always coming up with new ways to make his ends meet. 

but humility… he’s really changed.  do you remember him?  little scrawny kid… sat in the corner?  never really participated in any sports or went to any of the dances or even dated anyone that i know of?  well, that’s changed completely.  he was a late-bloomer too, just like guilt.  he’s a big fella now.  he doesn’t ever let on, but i think he might be the strongest person in town… easily stronger than guilt or even that anger kid who works down by the pier.  you know… big, hairy kid… dropped out of school our sophmore year?  anyway, humility’s just so quiet about it, you don’t notice.  did you know he was tied for valedictorian, but let intelligence have it instead?  it’s true.  if you ask him he’ll say that intelligence just really wanted the title and that he was happy enough to know that he did a good job.

anyway, that’s sorta how things go here… pretty much as it always has… just higher stakes, you know?  that’s enough from me, though… what’s going on out in the wide world??  how are things where you are?  do you still see acceptance’s sister, caring very often?  i hope you’re staying away from predjudice, biggotry, ego and their ilk… they’re bad seeds.  i hear you’re rooming with trust now, though… that makes me happy, she’s a good person.  i always liked her.

anyway, take care of yourself, love.  i look forward to hearing from you soon.

always yours,

introspection

this is how big of a nerd i am.  i like to surf the internet for words and terms that i don’t know.  it’s fun, seriously. 

for example: COZEN – verb

1. to be false to; to be dishonest with

2. the act of artful deceit

3.  to cheat or trick

see?  wasn’t that neat?  i know you all love language as much as i do…

sometimes though, i need something a little less intellectual… so i search for new slang.  recently, when i was searching for slang, i discovered a previously unknown plethora of terms from the wonderful world of drinking slang… i just had to share some of these with you fine folks.

TILE-FACED - adj. – to be passed out on a bathroom floor.

TREADING LAGER –  verb – eschewing liquor for beer in hopes of not getting too drunk.

DRINKING WITH GODOT - adj. – drinking while waiting for friends who may or may not arrive; from the Beckett play Waiting For Godot, wherein the title character never appears.

BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP SPEW - adj. - to teeter on the brink between vomiting and ordering another drink.

PINT PATRIOT - noun - a person who is apolitical while sober and extremely patriotic when drunk; also known as a hooch hawk.

GO-TARD - noun - an extremely drunk person eager to do something bold and foolish, such as jumping off a balcony or stealing a police car.

DUDDITS - noun - Taken from the character in the movie Dreamcatcher and used to describe a person that, while not actually mentally challanged, often does things that could cause them to be mistaken as such.

JASON - noun - a drunk who passes out briefly then rises again to drink; a reference to the irrepressible Jason Voorhees protagonist of the Friday the 13th horror film series.

POCKET FORENSICS – verb - determining where you drank last night by examining your collection of matchbooks and credit card receipts; also known as “following the caper trail.”

BEERJANGLING - verb - scraping up spare change for beer money.

there ya go… a little intoxication edification.  consider yourselves edumacated.  peace.